About relationships

Successful couples don't have any magic. Through trial and error, they've figured out how to create a relationship that works so they can get along.

When there are problems in the relationship, it means that both are contributing to the problem – maybe one person shouts because the partner’s avoidance or criticism makes them angry and frustrated. But each partner has a responsibility to express themselves calmly and to communicate in a kinder more productive way.

Our partner is often the person we are emotionally closest to and therefore the one we are most affected by. How we act, what we feel and what we experience is shaped by this person and our intimate relationship with them. So, individual issues inevitably become relationship issues.

Next time you’re thinking “It’s his/her issue, not mine” ask yourself what is my part in this? You can’t change your partner or control their behavior but you can change your part. If you change your behavior, change in the relationship will surely follow.

Recommended readings

Relationship

• The New Rules of Marriage – Terrence Real (2007) Publisher, Ballantine Books, NY

• Tell Me No Lies, How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage, Ellyn Bader, Ph.D. and Peter T. Pearson, Ph.D. with Judith D. Schwartz, (2000) St. Martin’s Press, NY

• The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts – Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, (1995) Publisher, Houghton Mifflin Company, NY

Communication

• Playing Life from Center Court, The Ultimate Guide to Emotional Fitness – Arynne A. Simon, Ph.D. (2004) Publisher, Select Books, Inc. NY

• Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High – Kerry Patterson, (2002) Publisher McGraw-Hill, NY

• The Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate – Gary Chapman (2004) Publisher, Northfield Publishing, Chicago